Theater VI: American Wedding

Theater VI: American Wedding

This week episode will look at one of the great American movie franchises.  Check that, we will be looking at a franchise with American in the title; as we talk about 2003’s American Wedding.  The third visit to the American Pie universe brings us to Jim and Michelle’s wedding and most of the beloved characters have returned to wish them well.  Jim is still a perv, Finch is still pompous, Kevin is still useless and Stifler is still the worst person ever.  Some of them have a good time, some of them have a bad time and some of them learn a valuable lesson.  In the end, Finch bangs Stifler’s mom again while Harold and not Kumar watch.  This movie is pretty bad and not really worth anyone’s time.  Why was it so easy for Stifler to get the school bus?  Why don’t any of them know Michelle’s parents or sister?  What reality do these people exist in?  So is Cadence into smart guys or dumb jocks?  Why can’t anyone just have a conversation about their feelings with anyone else that isn’t Jim’s dad?  Did Stifler go to completion with Jim’s grandmother?  Did Stifler drive back to his hometown to get the whole football team at 3am?  If you’re feeling the need to check in with these characters, please watch the original and forget the sequels were made.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater VI: Under Seige 2 - Dark Territory

Theater VI: Under Seige 2 - Dark Territory

Sometimes you just need a relaxing trip to get away from the worries of everyday life.  We’re taking a nice long train ride to help clear our heads and, lucky for us,  Steven Seagal is coming along to kick some terrorist butt in 1995’s Under Siege 2: Dark Territory.  This movie follows Casey Ryback as he travels across this great country with his niece Sarah.  His family vacation is interrupted when a group of mercenaries hijacks the train he is on and use it as a moving base of operations to control a weapon of mass destruction attached to a secret satellite.  Casey spends his time sneaking around the train and eliminating the enemy scum all while spitting out silly qwips as only Mr. Seagal can.  Spoiler alert, Casey kills everyone that comes in his path and saves the day.  This movie is the perfect example of a fun-bad film.  Is anyone better at making a bad movie than Steven Seagal?  I mean he has been doing this for 77 years!  How was the budget for this movie $60 million?  Why do they need to shoehorn the phase “dark territory” into the film so much?  Is there any way we can get a Nicolas Cage and Steven Seagal buddy cop comedy greenlit?  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater VI: Next Friday

Theater VI: Next Friday

This week we’re taking a trip out to the suburbs to hang with our extended family as we talk about the very silly Next Friday.  Craig and his dad Willie are back in this sequel to Ice Cube’s hood comedy classic and Craig is moving out to Rancho Cucamonga. He moves out to the suburbs and in with his Uncle Elroy and cousin Day-Day to hide from Deebo’s planned revenge. Unfortunately, Craig still can’t keep himself out of trouble as he helps Day-Day with his crazy ex-girlfriend D’wana and tries to outwit the three Jokers next door.  He must find a way to help save his uncle’s house from the auction block and save his butt from Deebo and his brother Tyrone before the day ends or else all will be lost.  Why did they decide to take this franchise from realistic fiction to Scooby-Doo level wacky?  Smokey in rehab for weed?  To quote Bob Saget,  “Marijuana isn’t a drug!  Cocaine is a drug!”  Why did Deebo need a sidekick?  How many of Mike Epps’ lines were just him improvising?  If they make a fourth Friday, they must bring Chris Tucker back!  This isn’t a bad movie, it just doesn’t live up to the first film.  It is always on cable, so check it out when you have absolutely nothing better to do.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater VI: Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

Theater VI: Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

Scary Movie Month is coming to a close.  One might even say it is the closing chapter of our holiday themed month, which would be quite a coincidence because we’re talking about Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.  In this fourth installment of the Friday the 13th franchise, a group of campers go to Crystal Lake for a relaxing vacation filled with fun and sex but Jason has a different set of activities planned for them.  This is the movie that introduces Tommy Jarvis and his family to the party and kills one of them very unceremoniously.  Everything in this movie is turned up to eleven because in 1984 they truly thought this would be the final film in the series.  What was with the hitchhiker and her banana?  Is there a better dancer than Crispin Glover on this or any other planet?  Why wasn’t Trish concerned by Rob’s strange line of questions?  Did Gordon commit suicide at the end of this movie?  How long did it take Tommy to transform himself into the weird young Jason monster he was at the end?  The movie actually holds up very well and is worth a rewatch if you haven’t seen it recently.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.    

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Theater VI: Maniac Cop 2

Theater VI: Maniac Cop 2

In this spooky episode we’re going on a ride-along with everybody’s favorite undead cop, Matt Cordell, in Maniac Cop 2.  This movie picks up right where the story left off in the first flick and turns the crazy up to eleven.  Matt Cordell survived what was thought to be his second death in the first film and quickly continues his death spree on the streets of New York.  He kills all of the returning characters from the first movie and then teams up with a serial killer that looks alot like Charles Manson.  Eventually he is given a chance to redeem his good name and to be laid to rest...or is he?  This movie is a B movie classic and is worth the 90 minute runtime.   Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Martyrs (2015)

Theater V: Martyrs (2015)

This week’s episode is all about friendship and helping each other through the hard times in life as we talk about the remake of Martyrs.  This movie tells the story of Lucy and Anna, two young women that have been friends since they met at an orphanage as children.  Lucy had it pretty rough before she met Anna, but ever since they met Anna has been Lucy’s rock of support.  When Lucy grows up, she decides to get revenge on the people that hurt her as a child and she drags Anna into the situation with her.  Anna eventually learns that the stories Lucy has been telling have been true and she must find a way to free them from this horrific situation before it is too late.  You have to give them credit for what they did with such a small budget, but the acting in this film could use a little work.  It is crazy to think that this is a toned down version of the original film.  What’s with all the time jumps?  How long did the girls spend at the Patterson's’ house?  Who was the girl that Anna was going to leave behind?  How long was that drain pipe?  This is a quick movie that takes the viewer for a bunch of gorey twists and turns, check it out.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Maniac (2013)

Theater V: Maniac (2013)

This week we’re looking at the world through the eyes of a madman in the 2012 remake of Maniac.  This POV horror film follows Frank, a lunatic with a strange fascination with mannequins, as he stalks and kills his victims in the LA night.  Each new twist and turn in the film takes us deeper into the world of this psychotic killer as his mania pushes him further and further from reality.  How did Frank’s mom die?  How long has his killing spree lasted?  Wouldn’t he get some kind of poisoning from too much exposure to Raid?  How bad must his home smell?  The deaths in this movie are really gruesome and it is a good watch if you’re looking to be creeped out.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Child's Play 2

Theater V: Child's Play 2

This week we’re kicking off scary movie month with everyone’s favorite killer doll, Chucky, in 1990’s Child’s Play 2.  In this spooky sequel, Chucky is brought back to life and continues his attempt to put his soul into Andy’s body while killing several people along his journey.  Andy’s mom is in an insane asylum and Andy has moved in with the Simpsons, a foster family that has taken him and a teenage girl named Kyle into their home.  Andy keeps trying to warn everyone about Chucky’s actions and his eventual return, but no one believes him and they all dismiss his stories as make-believe.  Chucky does make his way to the Simpson’s house and wastes little time attempting to get his soul into Andy’s body.  He eventually starts killing everyone in his path and comes to a final showdown with Andy and Kyle.  How long was Chucky’s charred body being held by the toy company before they decided to clean and repair it?  Did the Simpsons just show up at the orphanage to do some window shopping?  What kind of orphanage was Susan’s mother running?  Wouldn’t Andy’s story become more believable as the body count continued to grow?  Why was the warehouse of the toy factory setup like a maze?  Have any other movies had special made-for-TV alternate endings?  This is one of the better horror franchises from the 1980s and if you haven’t seen this sequel yet, now is a s good a time as any to enjoy some wisecracking horror.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Riddick

Theater V: Riddick

This week, we’re trapped on a deserted planet filled will all types of violent monsters with only our loyal zebra-hyena dog to keep us company in Vin Diesel’s modern classic Riddick.  This third installment in the Riddick series finds Riddick all alone and left for dead on a remote planet.  He tries to find a way off the strange world by triggering a beacon and calling for any ship that he can use as a “taxi” to his freedom.  The message is received by two groups of bounty hunters that are seeking a dead Riddick to return for a large reward.  Once they arrive, Riddick begins hunting them down in an attempt to take one of their ships and escape from his planetary prison.  Eventually they must all work together to escape the monsters that are trying to kill and consume them all.  This is a fun ride and it is always great to see an R rated mainstream scifi film.  Can you list all of Riddick’s superpowers?  Would Vin Diesel really be homeless if this movie had flopped?  How many times is Dahl almost raped in this film?  Do the scorpions follow the rain or do they appear from the desert sands like evil flowers once water hits the ground?  Are you as excited for the fourth movie as we are?  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Ted 2

Theater V: Ted 2

This week’s episode is all about justice and the civil rights of a sentient foul mouthed teddy bear as we talk about 2015’s Ted 2.  This time around, Ted and Tami-Lynn are married and looking to have a baby.  They have a few biological setbacks along the way, but their attempt to adopt a child reveals that Ted is not viewed as a person by the state and forces him to fight for his right to exist.  Ted has help along his journey to justice as his best friend John and his new lawyer Samantha are constantly by his side in the fight.  The movie is very silly and has a bunch of great one liners and hilarious scenes.  In what world does the governmental process move so quickly?  Why aren’t more people sympathetic to Ted’s cause?  What’s the deal with Ted’s guts?  Is there a brain in there that allowed him to be knocked unconscious by Donny?  Lungs that let him get high and a liver that lets him get drunk?  Will there be a Ted 3 someday?  This movie is worth the watch, check it out if you haven't already.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Robocop (2014)

Theater V: Robocop (2014)

This week’s episode takes us to Detroit in 2028 where crime is rampant and the future of law enforcement is a half-man half-machine hero named Robocop.  This 2014 remake of the Paul Verhoeven classic uses most of the original story, with a slightly updated twist, to tell the tale of Alex Murphy’s transformation into Robocop.  In this version of the story, a large multinational conglomerate called Omnicorp has created several lines of automated security drones to maintain peace and order in war zones throughout the world.  They have tried to get their robots onto the streets of America for several years but they are stonewalled by a congressional bill that bans the use of robots with deadly force from patrolling any city in the country.  They decide the key to getting into the American market is some type of human integration with the robots to help ease the worries of politicians.  Alex Murphy is chosen as the perfect candidate after he is maimed by a car bomb in front of his home.  Once he is reborn as a cyborg, Murphy decides to hunt down those responsible for his death but the trail may lead down a path that he was not expecting.  Why did they make this another story about Alex Murphy?  Couldn’t the story followed another officer’s transition into a robot peacekeeper?  Maybe an old west themed one called Robosheriff with Wyatt Earp?  Why wasn’t this an R rated film?  It could have used so much more violence and blood to help with the pacing issues.  Too many big name actors with too little to do.  If you really need a Robocop fix, you’re better off watching the 1987 version.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Beverly Hills Cop 3

Theater V: Beverly Hills Cop 3

This week Axel Foley takes us to Wonder World, the second most magical theme park in all of California, in the third installment of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise. The story begins back in Detroit when a bust gone wrong ends up with Axel’s captain being killed in the line of duty. The trail to find the killer leads to California and Axel wastes no time getting back to the land of sun and fun. Once there, Axel learns who the killer is and teams back up with Billy Rosewood to take down a counterfeiting ring operating at the amusement park right under Uncle Dave’s nose. With a little help from the lovely Janice and the always entertaining Serge, Axel is able to get the bad guys and save the day. Why did they try to make this a toned down version of the previous two movies? Why didn’t Axel know that Taggert retired? How doesn’t everyone in the Beverly Hills Police Department know who Axel is? Shouldn’t he be really famous after his actions in the previous two films? What happened to all the glamour and glitz of Beverly Hills? Where can I get an Annihilator 2000? This is the third best of the Beverly Hills Cop movies but it is still worth a watch if you have a few hours to kill. Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us. Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends. Have a great week.

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Theater V: Creed

Theater V: Creed

This week we’re going on a trip to Philly to get some quality training from a boxing legend in 2015’s Creed.  This is the most recent installment in the Rocky franchise and it follows Apollo Creed’s illegitimate son, Adonis Johnson, on his journey to become a professional boxer.  Adonis moves from LA to Philadelphia to get training and mentorship from his father’s greatest friend and rival, Rocky Balboa.  While in Philly, Adonis meets a lovely young musician name Bianca and romance quickly blossoms.  Eventually, Adonis is publicly revealed to be Apollo Creed’s son and he is sought after to fight the current WBC champion, Pretty Ricky Conlan.  As Adonis and Rocky are getting to work preparing for the big fight, Rocky has a health scare that puts momentary strain on their relationship before bringing them closer together than ever.  The story culminates with the biggest fight of Adonis’ life as he tries to prove his worth to himself and to the world.  This is a pretty good movie that hits almost all of the buttons for a quality Rocky flick.  Why didn’t Adonis, the wealthy kid from LA, get a better apartment in Philly?  What is the exact timeline of this movie?  Were those really Paulie’s dirty magazines?  Should they have trimmed a few minutes off of the love story?  Did the ending lead into a perfect setup for a sequel?  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Return to Oz

Theater V: Return to Oz

This week’s episode takes us on a nightmarish journey to somewhere over the rainbow as we all...Return to Oz.  Several months after her magical adventure through the land of Oz, Dorothy is back home in Kansas but she cannot get her time in Oz out of her thoughts and dreams.  Her aunt and uncle are worried she may have lost her mind and send her to a special “doctor” for electronic shock therapy.  While at the hospital/asylum Dorothy befriends a mysterious little girl that helps free her from captivity and kickstarts her return to the land of the Emerald City.  When Dorothy arrives in Oz she has a new companion, Billina the talking chicken replaces the lovable Toto, and realizes that things in Oz are not the way she remembers them to be.  She quickly learns that the evil Nome King has conquered the Emerald City and imprisoned King Scarecrow.  Dorothy assembles a new group of friends to go to the Nome King’s mountain to rescue Scarecrow and release Oz from his dastardly grip. Who thought this was a good idea for a children’s movie?  It must be responsible for countless nightmares.  How quickly does time past in Oz compared to our version of reality?  Do you think Tim Burton saw this movie and said to himself, “I can do better.”? Why doesn’t Dorothy keep winding up Tik-Tok during every moment of downtime?  What kind of animal head was used to make Mr. Gump?  Why would they save Princess Mombi?  How much psychotherapy do you think Dorothy went through later in her life?  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army

Theater V: Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army

This week we’re having a good time with our favorite cat-loving half demon in 2008’s Hellboy II: The Golden Army.  The story continues the with Hellboy, Abe and Liz still working to protect the world from supernatural beasts as part of the B.P.R.D.  Hellboy and Liz are having minor relationship issues due to an unexpected pregnancy.  To add to all the chaos they get a new commanding officer in Dr. Krauss, the superintelligent smoke monster.  Their mission is to stop Prince Nuada from getting all three piece of the magical crown that controls the indestructible mechanical golden army.  After meeting Nuada’s sister, Princess Nuala, Abe falls deeply in love with hear and his feeling may threaten the outcome of the mission.  This movie is really fun and holds up well on our most recent rewatch.  The monsters are cool and Ron Perlman shines as the perfect Hellboy.   Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Mad Max - Fury Road

Theater V: Mad Max - Fury Road

This week we’re on a journey for redemption with George Miller’s modern action masterpiece, Mad Max: Fury Road.  The story follows two tortured souls in Max, a road warrior who’s past haunts him to the point of insanity, and Furiosa, a hardened soldier that was kidnapped from her home as a child and forced to work for the evil Immortan Joe.  Furiosa sets out to save Immortan Joe’s prized “breeders” by taking them to her former homeland, the green place.  Once Immortan Joe realizes that his women are missing he focuses all of his power and attention towards getting them back.  During the turmoil Max and a young warboy name Nux join the ragtag group as all of them work toward a chance for peace and freedom.  This movie is amazing.  If you have not watched it before, do so right now.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: The Wicker Man (2006)

Theater V: The Wicker Man (2006)

This week we’re going on a wild goose chase to a creepy beekeeper island that is predominantly populated by women in the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man.  This movie stars the amazingly fun Nicolas Cage as a California motorcycle cop that is asked to help his ex-fiancee find her missing daughter.  He travels to a remote island in the state of Washington named Summersisle only to find that the inhabitants are unwelcoming and unwilling to help.  With each turn the story takes he seems further and further away from ever finding the missing girl or the truth about what is going on.  By the time he realizes the  women’s true plan for him, it is too late to save himself from...The Wicker Man.  Is this the most convoluted plan ever?  What’s with the pills Nic Cage keeps downing?  Why would you go to an island of beekeepers if you are deathly allergic to bee stings?  Why does he think that being a California police officer gives him the jurisdiction to do anything he wants without evidence or a warrant?  Why doesn’t he ever ask an follow up questions?  This movie isn’t that great but Cage’s performance makes it a so-bad-it’s-good masterpiece.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater V: Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Theater V: Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

This week we’re going back in time with our favorite sex crazed and snaggle-toothed spy in 1999’s Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.  In this shagadelic sequel Dr. Evil has returned and he’s going back in time to steal Austin Powers’ mojo.  Austin follows him to 1969 and pairs up with Felicity Shagwell, an American super-spy with the hots for him.  They hunt down Dr. Evil and travel to the moon to stop his evil plan for world domination.  This film introduced the world to Mini-Me and Fat Bastard and we haven’t been able to totally shake them from pop culture since.  What exactly is the chemical makeup of Austin Powers’ mojo?  Is this one of the most misogynistic film franchises ever?  Why can’t Mini-Me talk?  What’s with the inconsistent earthquakes caused by Fat Bastard moving around?  Time was not very kind to this movie, but it still had a couple of laugh out loud moments.  Thank you for all of the love you continue to show us.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater IV: The Last House on the Left (2009)

Theater IV: The Last House on the Left (2009)

This week, we’re taking a quick trip to our summer home to relax and enjoy some peace and quiet as a family.  Unfortunately when you staying at (the 2009 remake of) The Last House on The Left, the only thing to do as a family is get revenge on those who have wronged you.  This film is a remake of Wes Craven’s 1972 cult classic of the same name.  It tells the story of a family that is spending time at their summer home in a quiet backwoods community.  Their daughter Mari goes into to town to spend time with her friend Paige while she is working at a convenience store.  They go back to a young drifter named Justin’s motel room to get some weed and end up having a very creepy encounter with his family.  The girls are soon taken hostage and brutally attacked and left for dead by the gang of lunatics.  As luck would have it, the band of psychos happens upon Mari’s parent’s home while seeking refuge from a raging storm.  Mari is able to drag her wounded body back to her home and her parents soon realize that she was abused and violated by their house guests.  The rest of the story is Mari’s parents getting violent revenge on the people responsible for hurting Mari.  This one is not for the squeamish and could give you a few nightmares.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater IV: Taken 2

Theater IV: Taken 2

This week, we’re looking for a man with a special set of skills.  We need someone that can kick ass and rescue anyone from danger, except his ex-wife.  We need a man like Bryan Mills from Taken 2, and to be fair the other Taken movies as well.  This time around Bryan’s whole family is the target of the kidnapping and revenge scheme.  He is working in Istanbul and is joined by his ex-wife Lenore and his daughter Kim for a quick getaway.  While they are relaxing and trying to enjoy their vacation, the father of one of Bryan’s previous victims is plotting revenge.  They eventually capture Bryan and Lenore and Kim sort of helps set them free.  By the time the movie is over Bryan has filled a small graveyard with fresh bodies.  How much of a time gap is there between the first and second movies?  Why did Bryan bring his family overseas so quickly after the previous “incident” from the first movie?  Why doesn’t Kim understand why Bryan is so overprotective?  Why did such a small wound incapacitate Lenore for so long?  How is Kim such an amazing stunt driver, yet  she can’t parallel park during her driving test?  This is a perfect movie to have on in the background while you are doing something more important.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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