Theater IV: The Last House on the Left (2009)

Theater IV: The Last House on the Left (2009)

This week, we’re taking a quick trip to our summer home to relax and enjoy some peace and quiet as a family.  Unfortunately when you staying at (the 2009 remake of) The Last House on The Left, the only thing to do as a family is get revenge on those who have wronged you.  This film is a remake of Wes Craven’s 1972 cult classic of the same name.  It tells the story of a family that is spending time at their summer home in a quiet backwoods community.  Their daughter Mari goes into to town to spend time with her friend Paige while she is working at a convenience store.  They go back to a young drifter named Justin’s motel room to get some weed and end up having a very creepy encounter with his family.  The girls are soon taken hostage and brutally attacked and left for dead by the gang of lunatics.  As luck would have it, the band of psychos happens upon Mari’s parent’s home while seeking refuge from a raging storm.  Mari is able to drag her wounded body back to her home and her parents soon realize that she was abused and violated by their house guests.  The rest of the story is Mari’s parents getting violent revenge on the people responsible for hurting Mari.  This one is not for the squeamish and could give you a few nightmares.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater IV: Taken 2

Theater IV: Taken 2

This week, we’re looking for a man with a special set of skills.  We need someone that can kick ass and rescue anyone from danger, except his ex-wife.  We need a man like Bryan Mills from Taken 2, and to be fair the other Taken movies as well.  This time around Bryan’s whole family is the target of the kidnapping and revenge scheme.  He is working in Istanbul and is joined by his ex-wife Lenore and his daughter Kim for a quick getaway.  While they are relaxing and trying to enjoy their vacation, the father of one of Bryan’s previous victims is plotting revenge.  They eventually capture Bryan and Lenore and Kim sort of helps set them free.  By the time the movie is over Bryan has filled a small graveyard with fresh bodies.  How much of a time gap is there between the first and second movies?  Why did Bryan bring his family overseas so quickly after the previous “incident” from the first movie?  Why doesn’t Kim understand why Bryan is so overprotective?  Why did such a small wound incapacitate Lenore for so long?  How is Kim such an amazing stunt driver, yet  she can’t parallel park during her driving test?  This is a perfect movie to have on in the background while you are doing something more important.  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater IV: The Color of Money

Theater IV: The Color of Money

This week we’re looking to use our special talents to make a little extra scratch.  We’ve found an older wiser mentor and we’re off to find fortune and glory in Atlantic City just like Vincent did in this week’s movie, The Color of Money.  This is the sequel to 1961’s The Hustler and it is a very fun road movie with a wonderful cast and several iconic scenes.  In this story, Eddie is a former pool hustler that sees a great deal of talent and potential in a young man named Vincent that he decides to take on as a protege.  Vincent and his girlfriend Carmen are very small time and inexperienced in the world of hustling and Eddie seizes the opportunity to take them under his wing and make a little money for himself at the same time.  He convinces them to join him and they go out on the road to begin Vincent’s training.  The only problem is that Vincent’s immaturity and pride are constantly driving Eddie crazy and costing them money in the long term.  After being hustled by a small time guy at a local bar, Eddie decides it is time for the group to part ways and he begins to work at his own game.  After a nice practice montage Eddie goes off to Atlantic City for a final showdown with Vincent and to prove he still has it.  It is a really fun film even though it has a very different tone from the original.  If you haven’t seen both The Hustler and The Color of Money, do yourself a favor and take a sick day so you can enjoy two great performances by Paul Newman.   Thanks for listening to the show for the last 50 episodes!  Please rate and review the podcast wherever you get it and if you like the show, share it with your friends.  Have a great week.

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Theater IV: Hannibal

Theater IV: Hannibal

This week’s episode is all about change.  Changing the Oscar and Golden Globe winning lead actress, changing the Oscar winning director, changing the Oscar winning screenwriter and eventually changing the channel whenever you see the 2001 film Hannibal on TV.  This star packed sequel to Silence of the Lambs takes place 10 years after Hannibal Lecter’s escape from prison and finds him hiding in Florence under an assumed alias.  Back in the US, Clarice Starling is still an FBI agent and is being blamed for a botched sting operation that left several dead suspects and one dead cop.  She is pulled back onto Lecter’s trail by one of his old victims, Mason Verger; a former patient that is missing his face and seeks revenge on Dr. Lecter.  There’s also an Italian inspector that has a pointless side story to link things back to Florence so Clarice and Dr. Lecter can begin talking again.  This movie is so long and so convoluted that it is a waste of anyone’s time and attention.  Does Guinness really keep track of how many kills each female FBI agent gets in the line of duty?  Why didn’t Inspector Pazzi approach Lecter with much more caution after learning who he was and that he was on the FBI’s 10 most wanted list?  Why were Gary Oldman and Ray Liotta in this movie?  If they would have completely removed both of their storylines would the movie be any worse?  Does anyone remember anything about this film other than the brain eating scene?  Can you believe they made two more movies and a TV show in the Hannibal Lecter franchise after this piece of crap?  It was an obvious cash grab that resulted in one of the biggest wastes of a talented cast and one of the worst sequels ever made.  Please rate and review our show wherever you get it.  Have a great week!

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Theater IV: Oldboy (2013)

Theater IV: Oldboy (2013)

What would you do if you had 20 years alone to work on self improvement?  If you were Joe Doucett from Spike Lee’s 2013 remake of Oldboy, you would write letters to your daughter and turn yourself into a killing machine hell bent on revenge.  Joe was just your average early 1990s scumbag advertising salesman that had a less than stellar record as father and husband and was not too slowly drinking himself into an early grave.  After a night of ruining his career and wandering the city drinking like a fish, Joe wakes up alone in what appears to be a small motel room.  Joe quickly learns that he has been kidnapped, imprisoned and framed for his ex-wife’s murder but has no clue who would want to do this to him or why.  His only connection with the outside world is the television in his room that he uses to watch news shows and workout videos.  Joe eventually begins to plot his escape but is suddenly released from his solitary prison and sets out on a mission to get both answers and revenge.  While it might not be as good as the 2003 original, this film is still a fun revenge flick with a good cast and a crazy twist. Feel free to send us any questions or comments and make sure to rate and review the show wherever you download it.   

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Theater IV: Rambo (2008)

Theater IV: Rambo (2008)

This week we’re catching some snakes in the jungle, taking a humanitarian trip to Burma and then killing everyone in our path as we talk about 2008’s Rambo.  This is the fourth Rambo movie and it is probably the most violent film in the franchise.  This movie is crazy but also so...much...FUN!  It is probably the most amazing B level action movie ever.  The story catches up with John Rambo in the remote jungle near the Thailand and Burmese border where he captain’s a small boat on the river and catches snakes to get by.  A group of Christian missionaries from Colorado ask Rambo to take them up the river into Burma so they can provide aid to some local villagers.  At first, Rambo refuses to take them to the war torn area but after many requests from one of the missionaries, Sarah, he agrees to help.  After getting to the village, the missionaries are attacked and captured by a group of soldiers.  A group of mercenaries is then hired by the leader of the church to go in and rescue them and Rambo is asked to take them to where he dropped the missionaries off.  He takes the mercenaries to the last location he saw the group alive and decides that he is going along to help with the mission.  Eventually, they find and rescue the hostages and the most intense and bloody battle in any Rambo movie happens.  Surprise, Rambo wins and the bad guys lose.  Where does Rambo get his supply of HGH in the jungle?  When did he become a blacksmith?  How long do you think it took for them to write this movie?  Why don’t any of the mercenaries know who John Rambo is?  His actions in the first movie had to have been a nationwide news story.  Will Rambo part 5 go against the format and be about John and his dad reconciling their differences and running the family horse ranch as father and son (insert a terrorist plot in there somewhere)?  

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Theater IV: Police Academy 3 - Back in Training

Theater IV: Police Academy 3 - Back in Training

This week we’re taking a trip back to the 1980s with Police Academy 3: Back in Training, and it is just as wacky as we remember it.  The whole gang of cops and cadets are back for this movie and we get a few new characters as well.  Mahoney still leads the group but he isn’t as prevalent in this movie as he is in the others.  The whole story revolves around two police academies competing to not be closed down due to a lack of funding.  There is not a whole lot of character development in this one and to quote one of our guests, “Everyone has their trick and they all keep doing it over and over and over.”  We talk about crazy movie montages all the time and this movie is like one long 83 minute montage with a few moments of story sprinkled in.  Why didn’t they keep these movies as a R-rated series?  Why hasn’t Lasard been either forced into retirement or committed to an assisted living home?  What’s with all the racism and sexual harassment?  Mauser seems to think Lasard is incompetent, so why not just let him make his own mess instead of plotting against him?  Proctor was still pretty funny in this movie and Jones is always entertaining.  If you’re a Police Academy completist, then this should be on your list.  If not, just go watch the first movie again.  Have a great week!

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Theater IV: Total Recall (2012)

Theater IV: Total Recall (2012)

This week we’re not sure if we are a duo of fun loving freedom fighters or evil spies for a dictatorial government.  Maybe we’re both?  Maybe we shouldn’t have had to watch this movie; 2012’s remake of Total Recall starring Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.  The story is inspired by a Philip K. Dick short story and the 1990 Paul Verhoeven sci-fi classic by the same name.  The film follows Doug Quaid as he tries to understand the true meaning of a recurring nightmare and help find a sense of fulfillment.  He visits a company called Rekall that claims to be able to implant memories in people’s minds that will rival their wildest fantasies.  Just as Doug is about the got through the procedure, the police burst in and Doug’s journey to figure out his past begins.  He soon learns that no one in his life is as they appear to be and he finds himself on the run.  He meets up with a woman named Melina, whom he knows but cannot remember.  He is brought back to meet with the resistance and learns that he was bait in a plot to kill Mathias, the rebel leader.  Doug will not accept the things he is being told by his ex-wife Lori or the evil Cohaagen and decides to help Melina avenge her father and prevent an invasion of The Colony.  Why did they make this movie?  The 1990 version is so much better.  It looks like crap and you can tell the budget was spent on stars and special effects.  Thankfully there won’t be a sequel to this film.

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Theater IV: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Theater IV: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

This week we’re taking the whole family on a shortcut through the New Mexico desert so we can get to San Diego a  few hours earlier.  Oops, our car broke down and now we are being hunted by mutant cannibals.  We’re talking about the extremely unsettling 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes.  This film isn’t really a scary movie as much as it is a horrific series of events.  The basic idea is that nuclear testing in New Mexico created a bunch of deformed mutants that now live in old abandoned mine shafts in the desert.  They attack, rob, eat and do many other despicable things to any travelers passing through the area.  A family is unlucky enough to be passing through and we get to see all the bad stuff that happens to them.  Why would you leave your youngest child in charge of the rest of your family?  What’s with both Big Bob and Bobby both wasting so much ammo?  How many cannibals can you feed with one average sized family and for how long?  Why didn’t the director for this movie Google how many atomic bomb tests were conducted in New Mexico before littering the landscape with craters?  That fishing pole was a pretty nice find.  Do you think Doug ever told his daughter the story of how mommy died?  This is a crazy movie but it was actually pretty well done.  Luckily, there is a sequel that we can talk about one day.

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Theater IV: Toy Story 2

Theater IV: Toy Story 2

This week we were able to convince one of our mothers, Matt’s mom Kathi, to come back and talk about a fun Pixar movie, Toy Story 2.  The whole gang is back for this second installment of the Toy Story franchise and we even get a few new characters along the way.  Our story begins with Woody being very excited about going to Cowboy Camp with Andy, but a last minute accident causes Woody to be left behind at home.  While trying to rescue one of the other toys from a yard sale, Woody is kidnapped by Al the toy collector.  While in captivity, Woody meets Jessie, Bullseye and Stinky Pete who are all characters from the TV show Woody’s Roundup.  They explain that Al is going to sell the group of them to a Japanese museum that will allow them to be displayed and admired in perpetuity.  The rest of the gang goes after Woody to get him back from Al’s Toy Barn. Once they meet back with Woody they learn that his feelings about returning to his life with Andy may have changed.  This movie was really fun and very cute.  If you haven’t seen this one yet, call your mom and have a movie night with her.  You’ll both be happy you did.  Have a great week!

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Theater IV: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Theater IV: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

This week we are beginning our Mother’s Day celebration by taking our moms to the French Riviera to talk about 1988’s Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.  This film tells the tale of two very different con men who make their living swindling women out of their money.  Lawrence is an aristocratic gentleman who believes in indulging in the finer things in life and believes in only taking from those who can afford it.  Freddy is a little rough around the edges and sees nothing wrong with taking from anyone to help him get what he wants.  The two con men eventually agree on a bet that would run the loser out of town and give the winner full claim to the town of Beaumont-sur-Mer.  They think they have found the perfect mark for their bet, but they underestimate what they have gotten themselves into.  This movie was lots of fun and holds up very well.  There are a few moments that might not hold up to today’s politically correct standards but none the less it was very enjoyable.  If you’ve never seen the film, it is definitely worth your time.  Have a great week and treat your mom to a happy Mother’s Day!

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Theater IV: Terminator Salvation

Theater IV: Terminator Salvation

This week’s episode takes us to 2018’s post-apocalyptic Los Angeles as we try to figure out how to help good old John Connor fight the machines in Terminator Salvation.  This new spin on the Terminator franchise takes place after Judgement Day has already happened and gives us a window into the life of John Connor and Kyle Reese before the events of the first movie took place.  Due to the crazy time travel aspect of this franchise I guess the events of the first movie have both already taken place and not yet taken place.  We get a new half-man half-robot character in this one and Arnold even makes a CGI appearance near the end, #noarnolddong.  Why hasn’t John Connor been planning a way for Reese to go back in time and prevent Judgement Day?  Why don’t more people know who Kyle Reese is?  Why is John Connor a supposed prophet?  Wouldn’t the ending have been better if John Connor actually died?  What do you think of the Rogue One comparison for this movie?  Unfortunately Paramount pulled the plug on this franchise, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have more episodes to come on the other sequels in this series.  We’ll be back!

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Theater IV: Clerks 2

Theater IV: Clerks 2

This week we’ve got a craving for fast food.  Why not stop in at our local Mooby’s and hang out with our friends, Dante and Randal, in Clerks 2? The story begins with Dante arriving at the Quick Stop to open the store for business only to find the building engulfed in flames.  With the Quick Stop and the video store gone, Dante and Randal get jobs working for the fast food chain store, Mooby’s.  Dante is now engaged to Emma and they will soon be moving to Florida to begin their new life together and Dante will be leaving Randal and his friend Becky behind.  While sharing a tender moment with Becky, Dante learns a secret that changes all of his big plans.  Will Dante leave for Florida or stay in New Jersey?  This movie would never be released in today’s ultra politically correct social climate.  Why didn’t anyone start pointing out the problems with Dante marrying Emma and moving to Florida before the day he was planning on leaving?  Why wouldn’t Dante choose Becky over Emma?  They have so much more in common.  A donkey show?  Really?  Maybe one day we’ll get a Clerks 3 with Dante and Randal’s children working at Starbucks.

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Theater III: Desperado

Theater III: Desperado

This week’s movie is a story filled with music, love, brotherhood and of course revenge.  We are taking a trip down to Mexico with the 1995 classic, Desperado.  This sequel to El Mariachi continues our hero’s journey for justice and vengeance as he hunts down Bucho, the leader of a massive criminal organization that has ties to the murder of his true love.  After being injured during a shootout, the Mariachi is taken to a local bookstore and his wounds are mended by the owner Carolina.  The two of them quickly fall in love and Carolina decides to help the Mariachi achieve his goal of finding Bucho.  Lots of stereotypes and cartoonish blood and guts in this one. How didn’t El Mariachi recognize Bucho as being his brother earlier in his hunt for him?  If Bucho has paid off the whole town, why would anyone help El Mariachi?  How did that kid survive getting shot?  Does anyone have access to the director’s cut of this film?  We will pay to get ahold of it.  This is a really fun movie, too bad they had to make a third one.

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Theater III: Three Men and a Little Lady

Theater III: Three Men and a Little Lady

This week we’re just hanging out with the family.  You know, our mom, our dad and two other guys in their 40’s that live with us for some reason just like they did in 1990’s Three Men and a Little Lady.  Three men, a grown woman and her daughter are all living together and even though one of the guys and the woman love each other, she is going to marry some British asshole. This story is weird, the situation makes no sense and none of these people should be friends with each other.   Why are so many Hollywood plot lines built around a total lack of communication between characters?  Why in god’s name do these guys all still live together at this point in their lives?  Who will be paying for Mary’s therapy costs for the rest of her life?  Remember the heroin subplot in the first film?  We could have used some drug related hijinx in the sequel as well.  Eventually we will probably get a Three Men and a Bride and the world will be complete.

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Theater III: Dredd (2012)

Theater III: Dredd (2012)

This week, the whole team is back!  We’ve even brought a guest with us on our trip to the post apocalyptic wasteland of Mega-City One with the 2012 reboot, Dredd.  This movie follows Judge Dredd and his new partner, Anderson, as they try to survive an all out assault from Ma-Ma’s merciless gang of lunatics.  Ma-Ma is a drug kingpin that has total control of the Mega-City One market for SLO-MO, a drug that makes time appear to pass at 1% the normal speed.  She is willing to kill anyone that threatens that monopoly, including Dredd and Anderson.  If there hadn’t been a judge at Peachtree in years, why didn’t Dredd know that?  We feel bad for the 4% of people that live in that building and are employed.  Why didn’t they send more than two judges to answer Dredd’s distress call?  What is the full extent of Anderson’s abilities?  This movie is sooooo much better than the Stallone version.  Too bad we probably won’t get a sequel.

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Theater III: Ghostbusters (2016)

Theater III: Ghostbusters (2016)

This week, there’s something strange in our neighborhood.  There’s something weird, and it don't look good.  So, we decided to watch the 2016 reboot of Ghostbusters.  Just to cover our butts, we watched the extended cut and got to see an extra fifteen minutes or so that the theaters were too afraid to let the general public see.  The story is basically an updated version of the original movie with a few quirks and a bunch of references to the original films.  Why did the ghosts all have to look like they were extras in the Casper movies?  The movie is over two hours long, why didn’t they give Rowand a more flushed out backstory?  Why wasn’t there more time spent busting ghosts?  How were they still looked at as frauds after they busted the ghost at the theater?  Social media would have melted down with all of the posts from the concert goers.  The cast is great and the movie was much more fun than it was given credit for when it was released.  Claire and Matt both felt that Kate McKinnon was the best part of the movie but everyone plays their roles very well.  If you haven’t seen the movie, it is definitely worth the watch.  We’re hoping for another sequel because...WE AIN’T ‘FRAID OF NO GHOSTS!

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Theater III: Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call New Orleans

Theater III: Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call New Orleans

This week we’re taking a trip down to The Big Easy with Werner Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.  Depending on who you ask this movie is either a horrible remake or not inspired by the original movie at all.  The story follows Lt. Terence McDonagh, a crooked cop with a drug problem, as he attempts to solve the murder of a family of five and hold his life together at the same time.  He has only one witness to help him link the killers to the crime scene, a teenage boy named Daryl.  He brings Daryl along to visit his girlfriend, a beautiful hooker named Frankie, but Daryl is scared off by a combination of the weight of the situation and Terence’s lifestyle.  Eventually, Terence’s missteps begin to catch up to him and he must go to several extremes to try to make things right.  Is there anyone better at portraying a madman on film than Nic Cage?  What’s with all the weird shots of reptiles?  Why is no one in the movie speaking with a Louisiana accent?  Why didn’t any of the other police question Terence for using a .44 magnum or for brazenly tucking it into his waist?  Didn’t the ending seem happy to the point of being dreamlike? This movie is the perfect combination of a maniac actor and a maniac director coming together to make something special.

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Theater III: The Nutty Professor (1996)

Theater III: The Nutty Professor (1996)

This week we’re getting a little silly, nutty if you will, with the 1996 remake of The Nutty Professor.  This is a heartwarming story we can all relate to.  A man falls in love with a woman, that seems to have feelings for him, and then completely reconstructs his DNA to try to win her heart.  Sherman Klump is a brilliant scientist and a college professor with a little bit of a weight problem.  Once Sherman meets the lovely young Carla Purty he is instantly smitten with her and will do anything to win her heart, including taking an experimental potion that may help him lose weight.  The potion transforms Sherman into Buddy Love, a wild man with too much testosterone flowing through his veins, who is also vying for Carla’s affection.  Eventually Sherman realizes that Buddy is not the man he wants to be and he fights to stay the man that he is.  Spoiler, it is a happy ending and he and Carla are together at last, until the next movie when Janet Jackson shows up.  

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Theater III: Man on Fire (2004)

Theater III: Man on Fire (2004)

The time for love and happiness is over and now we are switching our feelings to anger and revenge with 2004’s Man on Fire.  Denzel Washington stars as John Creasy, a retired CIA assassin, who has taken a job as the bodyguard for Samuel Ramos’ young daughter Pita.  At first, Creasy doesn’t want to open up to Pita about his personal life or his past and rejects her attempts to become “friends”.  Eventually, they begin to bond over Pita’s swim training as Creasy assists her in overcoming her fear of the starting gunshot and to become a championship swimmer.  Once they have formed a close relationship, Pita is kidnapped in broad daylight while Creasy is gunned down as he tries to fend off the attackers.  This was the worst mistake they could have made.  Creasy recovers enough to hunt down those responsible for what happened and make them tell him everything they know before he kills them on his way up the ladder to “The Voice”.  This movie is a badass ride from beginning to end.  It has lots of stuff Mike and Matt like and a bunch of stuff Claire hates.  Denzel is awesome, so is Dakota Fanning and the rest of the cast does a pretty good job as well.  If you haven’t seen this movie go watch it now.

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